


Everything After

by Lazhuli



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Depression, Gender Dysphoria, Miscarriage, Pink Lars, Trans Male Character, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-11
Updated: 2017-08-11
Packaged: 2018-12-14 03:41:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 11
Words: 8,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11774748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lazhuli/pseuds/Lazhuli
Summary: Sadie is thrilled when Lars returns from the Gem planet. However, she soon discovers he brought back a lot more than bad memories.





	1. Chapter 1

Sadie ran down the boardwalk as quickly as her legs could carry her. There it was. Just like Steven had promised! The spaceship was rapidly approaching the beach, Lars would be home soon. She pushed her way through the forming crowd just as the ship came to rest on the sand, the door sliding open with a mechanical whir.

“Lars!” Sadie screamed in excitement as gems began to exit the ship. “Lars!”

“Sadie!” A voice caught her attention from the direction of the gem temple. “Sadie, stay back!”

“Steven?” The blonde girl asked in confusion as the boy rushed over and began pushing her back up the sand towards the boardwalk.

“It’s going to be okay.” Steven promised.

“Where’s Lars?” She demanded, fighting to escape the abnormally strong teen’s grasp.

“He’s here, he’s on the ship, I promise.” Steven tried to calm her. Sadie forced her way back past him, just in time to see a brunette woman in a doctor’s coat run onto the ship.

“Lars!” She shouted again, taking off towards the ship. She was stopped by Steven’s friend Connie, who practically threw herself in front of the older girl.

“You can’t see him yet.” Connie shook her head vigorously. “My mom’s a doctor, she needs to check him out before anyone can see him.”

“Why?” What happened to him.”

“Sadie, he’s going to be fine.” Steven promised as he reappeared at her side. Realizing she wasn’t going to fight her way past two evil-gem-fighting kids, Sadie sat down hard on the sand and cried.

“Sadie…” Connie began gently.

“Steven, Connie” Pearl called as she made her way over to the trio. “Go inside the house and help our new friends get settled. I’ll take care of her.”

Sadie looked up with a sniff as the two teens ran off to the temple. This was a surprise, the gems didn’t really talk to people much. Pearl seemed interested in engaging with humans least of all.

“Why don’t we talk a walk?” Pearl said calmly, offering her hand to the crying girl on the sand.

“What happened to him?” Sadie asked again.

“I promise you he is going to be fine.” Pearl answered, helping Sadie to her feet. It didn’t escape the blonde’s notice that the pale gem had evaded the question. Behind her, the doctor and Garnet were bringing someone off the ship on a stretcher.

“Is that him? Is that Lars?” Sadie shrieked, panic edging back in to her voice.

“It’s just a precaution.” Pearl promised. “C’mon, let’s take a walk.


	2. Chapter 2

Pearl took her through something called a “warp pad” to a frightening, cavernous place that looked like an old mine.

                “It’s called a Kindergarten.” Pearl told her. “This one, specifically, is called the Prime Kindergarten. This is where Amethyst was made.”

                “Made?” Sadie questioned.

                “Gems…well….we….were created, not born. In Kindergartens like this one, except Garnet and I were made on Homeworld.” Pearl explained. “We’re created out of the minerals and elements in the planet, they formed us, grew us. We incubated in the ground for hundreds of years before emerging fully grown and ready to serve Homeworld.”

                “Wow, that’s…amazing.” Sadie looked around the canyon in awe.

                “Hmm.” Pearl smiled. “I suppose. Anyway, for millennia, that’s how gems were made. But now, Homeworld is running out of resources. They can’t make healthy gems anymore. Do you know Peridot?”

                “She’s the little green one, right?”

                “Correct, she is a modern era gem, and she is very different from how a Peridot should look. There’s no longer a sufficient amount of material in the planet to create gems. The rulers are resorting to different methods of reproduction to grow their numbers.”

                “What kind of methods?” Sadie asked nervously.

                “Gems are parasites.” Pearl said darkly. “We take, and take, and take. Planets, technology, resources.” The thin gem sighed. “A long time ago, before I was made, gems reproduced in a different manner. Then they discovered how much stronger incubating in the ground could make a gem, so they gave it up.”

                “What was the way?” Sadie questioned.

                “When they overthrew a planet, Homeworld would take the strongest of its inhabitants and use them as hosts.”

                “Hosts for what?”

                “For their eggs. The process was faster than incubation but the resulting gems were not fully developed, they were childlike and required time to age and mature, gems aren’t exactly equipped for mothering. Kindergarten gems come out ready to fight and….”

                “Wait….I’m sorry….why do I need to know this?” Sadie interrupted.

                “Sadie…how well do you know Lars?”

                “He’s my boyfriend, I know him pretty well.”

                “And, have the two of you…been…intimate?” Pearl questioned carefully.

                “Oh! Oh gosh…well..” Sadie blushed deeply at the inquiry and hid her face in her pale hands.

                “I…I’m sorry!” Pearl apologized upon realizing the girl’s embarrassment. “I don’t…really know the social context for sex. I wasn’t, trying to be inappropriate.”

                “No, no…it’s okay. It’s just not something people really talk about, except maybe their good friends.” Sadie explained. “But, yes, we’ve…done things.”

                “So, you are aware that Lars is….?” Pearl trailed off, not wanting to give away the boy’s secret.

                “That he’s…oh…oh!” It clicked in Sadie’s mind. “Is this about him being trans?”

                “Is that the word for it?” Pearl said, more to herself than the teen. “Trans.”

                “Transgender, technically, but trans is short for that.” Sadie supplied.

                “Well, as you obviously know, Lars’s body is female.” Pearl began slowly.

                “Yeah, I know, he’s trying to get on T, that’s testosterone I mean, but since he looks so boyish he’s not really…” Sadie rambled. She looked up into Pearl’s face to find a sadness there and suddenly the conversation, the careful questions came together in her mind. Tears welled up again as she sank to the ground.

                “Sadie?” Pearl asked worriedly, kneeling next to the blonde.

                “Oh _shit_.” Sadie exclaimed softly as she struggled to process what this meant.

                “It’s going to be alright, I give you my word that we’re….”

                “Say it….I have to hear you say it.” Sadie cut her off in a panic.

                “When the gems on Homeworld and Lars were trying to escape, one of their attempts was foiled. Lars was captured and….and experimented on as a host.” Pearl confirmed what Sadie had already puzzled out.

                “He’s carrying eggs.” Sadie clarified. “He’s pregnant with gems.”

                “Yes, and there are significant risks but we are going to do everything possible for him. Peridot is a certified Kindergartener, they’re taught about this kind of thing and..”

                “I need to see him.” Sadie begged. “Please, I have to talk to him.”

                “Alright.” Pearl agreed. “Connie’s mother, Dr. Maheswaran, took him to the city hospital for testing. I’ll take you to him.”


	3. Chapter 3

                “Miss?” Sadie looked up from her waiting room chair to find the doctor she’d seen boarding the ship standing above her.

                “Oh, hello.” Sadie said sleepily, she’d been dozing in the waiting room for the past three hours.

                “Are you Sadie?”

                “Yes, you must be Dr. Maheswaran.” Sadie excitedly jumped up from her chair. “Can I see Lars now?”

                “Yes, If you’ll just follow me.” Dr. Maheswaran led Sadie through the mazelike hallways of the hospital to an isolated corner, the room she stopped in front of was marked quarantine in bright red letters. “Don’t worry about that. We just put the sign up so he wouldn’t be bothered. We didn’t want to answer too many questions.”

                “Yeah, that…that makes sense.” Sadie agreed nervously.

                “Now, he’s on some pain medication right now so expect him to be a little groggy. The gems went to collect some supplies and look in on Steven so you’ll have a little time alone. If he needs anything just press the call button.” Dr. Maheswaran gave a small wave before retreating down the hall.

                Sadie knocked gently before entering the darkened hospital room. Lars was in a reclining position on the bed, his eyes were closed but he turned his face towards the door as she entered.

                “Hmm?” He mumbled as Sadie approached the bed.

                “Hey Lars, how do you feel?”

                “Is that you, player two?” Lars opened his eyes slowly, a smile breaking out across his face.

                “Hey cutie.” Sadie smiled back at him, reaching out a hand to brush his curls out of his face. “How are you feeling?” She asked again.

                “I’m okay, just a little sore.” He tried to sit up in the bed but Sadie forced him back into the mattress.

                “Just rest, okay?” The blonde insisted. She took one of his hands in her own to investigate a strange hue on his skin.

                “Yeah, I’m pink.” Lars chuckled weakly. “It’s a long story.”

                “I think it looks good on you.” She thumbed the purplish scar cutting down his eye to the top of his cheek.

                “Thanks….there’s um….there’s some things we need to talk about, Sade.” Lars told her gently, taking her hand in his own.

                “Lars, Pearl told me about the…about the eggs.” Sadie admitted.

                “Oh.” Lars said softly. “What…do you think?”

                “I…I don’t know. It’s a lot to process.”

                “I know.”

                “What do _you_ think?” Sadie asked gently, taking a seat on the bed next to him.

                “I was pretty freaked out at first…and mad. But….Sadie, I can feel them.” He told her excitedly. “There’s five of them…they told me they probably won’t all form gems though. But, the ones that do, they’ll be little babies. My babies.”

                “All of this is going to take some time.” Sadie ran her fingers through his fluffy, pink curls. “But, if you’re happy about this, then I’m happy about it.”

                “What did I do to deserve you?” Lars smiled again. It was probably the sweetest thing he’d ever said to her, maybe to anybody.

                Feeling emboldened, Sadie met his eyes with a smile. “I love you, Lars.”

                “Sade, I love you too.” He began. “I want to be with you, I realized that while I was on the gem planet. But, I understand if this is too much for you…nothing’s going to be the same.”

                “I know, and to be honest, I’m super freaked out right now.” Sadie told him.  “But, I want to be with you too. I want to help you through this.”

                “I love you.” Lars said again, pulling Sadie down on the bed next to him. He cradled her head to his chest, resting his cheek on her blonde locks. “I love you.”


	4. Chapter 4

                “And Peridot, this is Sadie. Sadie, Peridot.” Pearl said as the green gem and the blonde shook hands. Sadie was standing by Lars’s head, having not left her post at his side since arriving at the hospital the night before. She was feeling a little overly protective as Pearl, Garnet, and Peridot filed into the room along with Dr. Maheswaran

                “Alright then, let’s get down to business.” Dr. Maheswaran clapped her hands together.

                “Yes, I agree, let’s get all our facts together.” The tall gem, Garnet, suggested.

                “Right, now, tell me everything you know about this gem reproduction.” Dr. Maheswaran requested.

                “Basically, what happens.” Spoke up Peridot from the corner. “Is that they’ve placed the cellular structure that’s at the base of all gems in a fluid solution encapsulated by an “egg” made of the mineral compounds gems need to grow. They then placed those in the host…oh, er Lars.” She corrected herself.

                “The pregnancy will strongly mirror that of a human pregnancy.” Pearl took over. “It’ll be of a similar length and will have the same hormonal effect on his body. However, there will be some additional effects. Because gems are composed of minerals it will draw these compounds from his body, the biggest concern with that being proper nutrition.”

                “Not to mention they’re damn heavy.” Complained Lars, shifting uncomfortably in the bed. Sadie gave him a sympathetic look as she reached over to massage the back of his neck.

                “Yes, the eggs are quite dense. So even though each one is currently the size of a golf ball they already weigh a couple of pounds each.” Pearl explained.

                “It can be pretty painful for the host.” Peridot piped up. “If the eggs get big enough they can sometimes fracture bones.”

                Lars groaned, shifting his hips again.

                “How large will they get?” Dr. Maheswaran enquired.

                “That depends on the kind of gems the eggs are. Without having that information we can’t really tell.” Peridot shrugged. “But, I doubt they’d use anything with too large a form.”

                “So, my ribs won’t get snapped like kindling?” Lars asked hopefully.

                “I….won’t promise that.” Peridot said nervously.

                “Fantastic.”

                “So he’ll give birth to the eggs then?” The doctor asked, seeing that the current topic was causing her patient to get edgy.

                “No, the eggs will continue to grow and the shells will thin out. After the gems form a body their movements will break through, or the shells will get so thin they dissolve.” Peridot explained. “Probably by the seventh or eighth month.”

                “You said they probably won’t all form.” Sadie turned to Lars. “What happens to those eggs?”

                “Good question.” Lars turned to Pearl and Peridot.

                “If the cell inside any of the eggs doesn’t make it then…well, think of it like a miscarriage.” Pearl told him gently.

                “The excess material will be partially reabsorbed and the rest will be expelled from the body.” Peridot added.

                “Oh.” Lars stared at his lap stoically.

                “Probably two or three will be lost.” Peridot said quietly.

                “We can discuss that more later.” Garnet spoke up for the first time. “Lars, you told us the eggs were implanted two months ago. That leaves, what? Seven months?”

                “Closer probably to eight.” Dr. Maheswaran supplied.

                “Hmm, well you’ll obviously need someone to care for you so we can make accommodations for you in the temple.” Garnet offered.

                “Oh, well actually…” Lars looked up to meet Sadie’s eyes. “We were talking about that last night.”

                “I got my own place while Lars was…away.” Sadie took over. “We thought that Lars could move in with me.”

                “Are your parents alright with that?” Dr. Maheswaran interjected.

                “Oh…right, parents.” Pearl mused in the background.

                “Umm…they…they’re a little…freaked.” Lars said slowly. “And…uh, well, we’re not exactly on speaking terms right now. Cuz, ya know…I kinda never had anyone tell them I wasn’t dead while I was in space. Then I came back pink and everything and….” He shrugged.

                “I’m sure they’ll come around once they have time to process everything.” Sadie said encouragingly.

                “In the meantime, let’s have him in with you.” Pearl turned to Sadie. “Lars, will we need to go over to your parents’ and collect your things?”

                “Um, yeah that would be good.”

                “Alright, unless anyone has anything else we need to discuss then we’ll head over there now.” Pearl offered.

                “I’d like to talk with Peridot a little more, but I’m comfortable releasing Lars after I’ve looked him over again.” Dr. Maheswaran agreed.

                “Alright, Garnet and I will go and we’ll leave Peridot here with you.” Pearl looked around the room for any objections and seeing only nods she and Garnet made their way out of the room.

                “Peridot, if you could follow me back to my office we’ll have a quick chat and then I’ll be back to look you over Lars.” The dark-haired woman motioned to the green gem and they too exited the room.

                “Sade?” Lars pulled the hospital blankets up around him. “Can you turn out the light? I’m exhausted.”

                “Yeah, of course.”

 


	5. Chapter 5

_13 weeks_

                “Thank you so much Mr. Universe!” Sadie exclaimed as he unloaded her and Lars’s new bedframe and mattress from his van. “There was no way I was getting this stuff in my little car.”

                “No problem Sadie!” He waved off her thanks with a grin. “I’ll take the frame in, you grab that tool box and I’ll have this together in a jiffy!”

                “Oh no!” Sadie exclaimed. “You don’t have to worry about that, bringing it over here was more than generous enough.”

                “Hey now, Universe furniture delivery is a full-service company.” Greg argued with a wink.

                “Oh, wow thank you so much!” Sadie relented. She was actually a little relieved. Lars had been…indisposed…all morning and she wasn’t sure that she could get it assembled alone.

                “No problem kiddo. You’re part of the gem family now, you and Lars.” He gathered up the parts to the heavy frame and trudged off towards the front door. Sadie retrieved a rusty toolbox from the back of his van and hurriedly followed him inside. He already had the frame pieces in the bedroom and was busy moving the couple’s smaller bedframe out of the way.

                “I’ll take that.” Sadie said, holding out her hands for the wire headboard Greg was holding. “We’re going to put it in the spare room for now.” He handed over the headboard and she trotted off with it down the narrow hall, setting it haphazardly against the next piece.

                “Say, where’s Lars?” Greg questioned when she returned to the bedroom. As if in reply a faint groan came from the bathroom across the hallway. “Oh.” Greg nodded sympathetically. “Morning sickness, huh?”

                “Yeah.” Sadie ran a hand over the back of her neck. “It’s been pretty bad for a week or so. I’d actually better go check on him.”

                “Yeah, you go take care of him, I’ve got things here under control.” Greg smiled at her warmly.

                “Thanks, Mr. Universe.” Sadie ran across the hall and opened the bathroom door just a crack. “Can I come in?” She called softly.

                “Yeah.” Lars croaked, his throat raw from vomiting. Sadie pushed open the door slowly to find him sitting cross-legged in front of the toilet. His pink complexion had turned sickly, tinged with green around his mouth.

                “You look miserable.” Sadie confessed. She took a washcloth from under the sink and wet it before gently wiping his forehead and mouth.

                “I feel gross.” Lars complained. “I need a drink of water.”

                “Yeah, sure.” Sadie smiled at him sympathetically before retreating from the bathroom. She made her way to the kitchen and just as she finished pouring his water heard him begin to heave again. “Oh, Lars! I’m coming!” She promised, rushing back down the hall to him.

                “It’s alright kiddo, just get it all up.” Sadie heard Greg say gently as she approached the bathroom. She entered to find the older man kneeling next to Lars, rubbing his back gently. Lars was still seated, his torso bent over the toilet, griping the sides with white knuckles as he vomited for the fourth time that day.

                “I hate this.” Lars groaned, he straightened his torso to lean heavily on Greg’s side.

                “I know kid.” Greg told him, continuing to rub soothing circles into his upper back.

                “Here’s some water.” Sadie said gently. She moved to hold the cup to Lars’s lips. “Swish.” He complied and spit the contents into the toilet bowl before leaning away from the mess. Sadie flushed away its contents before taking a seat on the edge of the bathtub.

                “If I let you sit up are you going to be sick again?” Greg asked warily.

                “No, I should be good for a little while.” Lars promised with a shake of his head. He shakily took his weight off Greg and scooted back to sit against the wall, legs drawn up.

                “You should try some ginger tea.” Greg suggested, getting to his feet.

                “Mmh.” Lars closed his eyes and hummed appreciatively at that. “My grandma’s remedy for everything was ginger tea. I haven’t had it since I was little.”

                “I’ll get some.” Sadie told him, excited to see him interested in the beverage. Getting him to eat or drink anything had become a nightmare since the morning sickness had kicked in.

                “Get real ginger root, not bags.” Lars instructed. “It’s way better.”

                “I can do that.” Sadie smiled softly, wearily.

                “We’ll have to stock the break room with it.” Lars smiled ruefully.

                “You’re still working?!” Greg interrupted. “I though Peridot told you bedrest was essential for…”

                “I don’t do much!” Lars put up his hands defensively. “Most of the time I’m not even up front, I sit in the break room and do paperwork.”

                “Lars, you can’t risk your health…” Greg began.

                “We need the work.” Sadie explained quietly. Seeing Lars’s blush at that statement, Greg softened a little.

                “Kids, is it the money? Because you know that all you have to do is say the word and….”

                “No! No!” Sadie interjected. “We can’t take anybody’s money.”

                “Well that’s too bad.” Greg shook his head. “Because I can’t let Lars go on working knowing he’s meant to be resting. Since I’m older I have more authority. And don’t think for one second Sadie Miller that I won’t call your mother if you put up a fight about this!”

                “Mr. Universe…”

                “Don’t Mr. Universe me!” Greg complained. “All anyone wants is for you kids is to be safe and happy. So Lars, you focus on resting and Sadie, you focus on keeping him healthy. Let me worry about everything else…please.” Sadie attacked the man with a hug, crying into his shoulder.

                “Thank you.” Lars whispered from the floor, tears streaming down his face.

                “Don’t mention it. Now, I’m going to finish putting the bed together. In the meantime, make a grocery list and I’ll head over when I’m finished and stock you up.” Greg told them, disentangling himself from Sadie’s hug.

                “Thank you.” Lars repeated with a tiny smile.

                “Anytime kiddo, anytime.”


	7. Chapter 7

_18 weeks_

                “Okay, so just put on this gown and Dr. Maheswaran will be in in just a few minutes.” The nurse handed Lars a blue hospital gown before leaving he and Sadie alone in the small exam room.

                “I hate hospitals.” Lar muttered, pulling off his shirt. “Undo this for me?” He turned his back to Sadie to present his binder.

                “Should you be wearing that?” Sadie questioned skeptically.

                “Will you undo it or not?” Lars complained.

                “Yeah.” Sadie pulled open the metal snaps and helped him out of the tight fabric. Lars pulled the gown on before shimmying out of his jeans and boxers.

                “Thanks.” He told her as she took the garments and began folding them.

                “No packer?” She asked curiously. As far as she knew Lars always wore one, even when they were at home.

                “Never to the doctor.” He explained. “It gets awkward when they tell you drop your pants.” Sadie laughed loudly, accidentally letting out a snort, causing Lars to laugh as well.

                “Well, we’re certainly in a good mood today!” Dr. Maheswaran stood in the doorway smiling. “Lars are you ready?’

                “Oh…yeah, yeah.” Lars climbed onto the exam table, motioning for Sadie to come to his side. She complied anxiously, unsure what to expect out of this visit.

                “Alright then, you told me that you were in the process of getting started with hormone therapy.” Dr. Maheswaran said. Lars nodded. “I’m assuming that means you’ve had a pelvic before.”

                “Yeah.” Lars blanched. “To make sure everything was in the right spot I guess.”

                “Unfortunately, you’ll be getting another one today.”

                “Yay.” Lars said dryly.

                “Pelvic?” Sadie whispered to Lars.

                “Yeah.” He said. “A pelvic exam? You’ve never had one before?”

                “No, I don’t think so.” She shook her head.

                “Trust me, you’d remember if you had.” Lars told her as the doctor pulled metal stirrups out from the under the edge of the table.

                “Alright, bum to the edge of the table and feet in the stirrups.” The doctor instructed, helping guide Lars into position.

                “Please don’t look.” Lars whispered to his girlfriend as Dr. Maheswaran flipped up the gown.

                “I won’t.” Sadie promised, shifting a little so all she could see was his chest and face. He suddenly inhaled, grabbing Sadie’s hand and gripping it tightly.

                “Ow.” He complained softly.

                “I know sweetie.” Dr. Maheswaran mumbled.

                “It’s okay.” Sadie promised, pushing his curly hair off his forehead.

                “There, all done.” Dr. Maheswaran announced, snapping off a pair of gloves into the trash. Lars let out a shaky breath before letting go of Sadie’s hand. “Everything seems fine.” The doctor told him as she lowered the stirrups.

                “Good to know.” Lars said sarcastically, scooting himself back a little on the exam table.

                “Let me just grab a sheet.” Dr. Maheswaran muttered, rummaging through a cabinet on the far side of the room.

                “A sheet?” Sadie raised an eyebrow.

                “To cover his lap.” She explained. “We are going to measure that belly and then we’ll do an ultrasound.”

                “Can’t we say, like, stomach or abdomen?” Lars complained, covering his face with his hands.

                “Lars is feeling self-conscious about his bump.” Sadie laughed, rubbing a hand over the aforementioned bump while her boyfriend blushed a deeper shade of pink.

                “Nothing to be embarrassed about.” Dr. Maheswaran shook her head, draping a sheet over Lar’s lower half and pulling the gown back up to expose his entire midsection. Pulling a soft measure tape from her pocket she placed one end at the very base of his stomach and the other she drew up to just below Lars’s ribs.

                “Peridot mentioned he was looking small when she was over last week.” Sadie told the older woman as she made notes on her laptop.

                “She’s a crazy alien rock.” Lars retorted.

                “She’s right though.” Dr. Maheswaran clicked her tongue, thinking. “Compared to normal you’re measuring several inches small. I wouldn’t be that concerned, given the circumstances, but you also haven’t gained weight.”

                “Food is…nonessential since I came back from the dead. Eating is hard.” Lars sighed.

                “Food might by nonessential for you but it clearly isn’t for the eggs.” Dr. Maheswaran said sternly. She pulled up her notes and showed the pair. “Look, your blood work is coming back poor, you’re getting anemic, your complaining of pain, not gaining weight.” She shook her head.

                “I’m trying!” Lars argued. “This wasn’t exactly my idea you know!” He shouted, throwing his hands up. It was the first time Sadie had heard him say anything like that. He didn’t talk about it, Homeworld, or his time in captivity. Pearl had said they experimented on him, other than implanting the eggs, Sadie wasn’t sure what that meant. She didn’t want to think about what he’d been through.

                “Lars.” Dr. Maheswaran’s tone softened. “I know. And I know that all of this has been…hurtful. But, I also know what you said when I came to you on the ship. Do you remember what you said?”

                “Yeah.” Lars spoke softly, wiping away a stray tear that had found its way down his cheek.

                “You looked at me and said, ‘I’m not giving them up’.” She gently placed a hand on his stomach. “Your eyes were so fierce, you were so adamant that you were keeping them. I know you want to do what’s best for them.”

                “I do.” Lars admitted.

                “You have to eat.”

                “I know.” Lars sobbed. Sadie wrapped her arms around his shoulders, letting the teen bury his face in her chest.

                “It’s okay.” Sadie cooed. “You’re okay. We’ll work on it.”

                “M’okay, I’m okay.” Lars insisted, pulling out of Sadie’s grip and scrubbing at his face with the heel of his hand.

                “Do you want to do the ultrasound?” Dr. Maheswaran asked. “Do you want to wait? I can give you some time alone.”

                “No, let’s get this done.” Lars shook his head. “I want to get out of here and go home.”

                “Okay.”

                While Dr. Maheswaran ran the wand over his stomach, Lars staunchly avoided looking at the black and white image. Sadie, on the other hand, was entranced by the five little spheres floating around on the screen. Each time Lars shifted, so did the eggs in his womb. Sadie knew he often complained that they did this, but seeing it happen was something else entirely.

                “Let’s see…four and a half months, Peridot said the eggs should be around three and a half pounds each by now. So that’s….seventeen and a half pounds already.” Dr. Maheswaran winced at the result of her calculations. “How’s your pain?”

                “It hurts pretty badly when I’m walking, it feels like they’re all just sitting on my hip bones.” Lars ran a finger of the jutting V of his hips, to indicate where the soreness was. “My low back pretty much always hurt, and if I shift around too suddenly they kinda roll.”

                “Is it manageable?” The doctor questioned.

                “Yeah, it’s not so bad. Especially since I’m not allowed to be on my feet that much anyway.” Lars shrugged.

                “Good. Well, I’m all done here.” Dr. Maheswaran handed Lars a small towel to wipe the ultrasound gel off his stomach. “I’ll leave you alone to get changed. Sadie, will you join me in the hall.”

                “Oh…um, sure.” Sadie agreed. She gave Lars’s knee a reassuring pat on the knee as she passed by on her way out of the room. She followed the older woman into the hall and shut the door gently.

                “I think Lars is in need of therapy to help him cope.” Dr. Maheswaran told Sadie gently, reaching into the pocket of her doctor’s coat and pulling out a business card. “I’ve worked with this therapist before, with trauma patients. She’s very good.”

                “I don’t know if he’s going to want to talk to anybody.” Sadie shook her head. “He used to be in therapy and he had a kinda bad experience with it.”

                “I’m sorry to hear that, but I really think it’s something the two of you should consider. I thought he would take the suggestion better from you than me.” The doctor told her, handing her the business card. “Like I said she’s very good. She specializes in helping people who have been sexually assaulted.”

                “Lars wasn’t assaulted.”

                “Wasn’t he though? They captured him, restrained him and violated his body.”

                “Yeah.” Sadie whispered breathlessly, she’d never looked at like that before. She did her best not to think about it all.

                “Just…talk to him about it, please.”


	8. Chapter 8

_20 weeks_

Sadie lounged sleepily in the couple’s new queen-sized bed. Her head rested on Lar’s chest, his hand running through her soft, blonde curls. The only illumination in the room was from their small TV, which was playing a horror movie, an old school classic they’d both seen probably twenty times.

                “I love you.” He murmured into the top of her head, causing her to smile widely.

                “I love you too.” She replied, rotating her body to lay more fully against his, arms wrapping around his waist. “And I love this.”

                “Hmph, you’re easily pleased.” He teased.

                “Well….”

                “What?

                “Do you know what I would really love?” She looked up at him, biting her lower lip.

                “I think I might have an idea.” Lars grinned, leaning down to press a chaste kiss to her lips.

                “I’m gonna need a little more than that.” She complained. He put a hand to the back of her head, pulling her in for another kiss, this one deep and warm.

                “Mmm, love you.” Lars repeated.

                “Are we allowed to do this?” Sadie asked.

                “I’m eight-fucking-teen.”

                “You know what I meant. Ah, yes!” She hissed as he bit down on the spot where her neck met her jaw.

                “I dunno.” He pulled her hair lightly, simultaneously gaining a moan and greater access to her neck. “Don’t really care.”

                “Works for me.” Sadie rolled, taking Lars with her until he was flat on his back with her straddling his hips.

                “No…no.” Lars complained. “Can’t…hurts too much.” He fisted the sheets as the pressure on his back grew.

                “Oh God!” Sadie rolled off of him, allowing Lars to reposition himself on his side. “I didn’t even think about it.

                “S’okay.” He told her, breathing hard. “Guess I better be on top for a while.” He laughed.

                “I don’t…maybe we shouldn’t.” Sadie stammered, suddenly very unsure.

                “Hey, I’m okay.” He promised, sitting up in the bed. “I’m okay, and I want to do this….we just have to be careful.”

                “You’re sure you want to?”

                “Yeah, yeah.” Lars assured her. “Just let me get something.” He climbed out of the bed, Sadie watching him carefully. She grinned wickedly when he opened the drawer where he kept his packers and strap on. He looked over his shoulder and winked at her before crossing the hall to the bathroom. Sadie waited anxiously on the edge of the bed.

                “Sade….Sadie!” Lars screamed. The blonde jumped bolt upright, running to the bathroom. Lars stood there with his sweats off, she saw that his blue briefs had a spreading stain of dark liquid. He took a ragged breath, showing her the blood on his fingertips.

                “I’m going to call the gems. Go lay down.” She rushed to the living room for her cell phone while Lars made his way slowly back to their room. He was laying down by the time she came back, cell phone pressed to her ear.

                “It hurts, like cramps.” Lars told her, drawing his body into the fetal position.

                “It’s okay, it’s going to be alright.” Sadie told him as her phone rang.

                “Hi Sadie!” Steven chirped on the other end of the line.

                “Oh thank goodness! Steven listen to me, it’s Lars, something’s wrong. Something is really wrong, give the phone to Pearl.”

                “Pearl! Pearl!” Steven shouted. Sadie heard the pale gem approaching in the background, telling Steven to stop yelling.

                “Sadie, what is it?” Pearl asked in a rush.

                “It’s Lars, he just started bleeding out of nowhere and he says he feels like he has cramps.”

                “Okay. Keep him still. I’m going to get Peridot and we’ll be right there!” The phone beeped as Pearl hung up on her. Unsure what to do, Sadie settled for kneeling down by the side of the bed, cupping Lars’s cheek with her small hand.

                “You’re going to be okay.” She promised.

                “What if I’m losing the eggs?”

                “Shh, don’t say that.”

                “What if I am?” Lars eyes watered, his voice catching.

                “I don’t know.” Sadie told him helplessly, feeling her throat tighten. “Just stay still.”


	9. Chapter 9

“He’s going to be alright.” Pearl promised for what felt like the hundredth time in the last hour.

“Then why can’t I see him!” Sadie shouted, pacing the living room floor.

“Ngh….ah!” Came a loud moan from the bedroom. Sadie stiffened, her head whipping in the direction of the door.

“Just give Dr. Maheswaran and Peridot time to work.” Pearl pleaded with the young girl. “Can I get you some tea, water?”

“I don’t want a drink, I want to see Lars.” Sadie cried.

“We know that it’s hard.” Spoke up Garnet from the couch.

Lars screamed again and Sadie dropped to the floor, sobbing. Strong arms suddenly enveloped her, gasping Sadie looked up to see Garnet on the floor next to her. The tall gem pulled Sadie into her lap, holding her like a child, rocking gently form side to side as she cried. They sat that way for twenty minutes or so, until the gem cleared her throat softly, drawing Sadie’s attention.

“It’s alright to be afraid for him.” Garnet said, petting Sadie’s blonde locks soothingly.

“I should be with him.” Sadie cried.

“There’s nothing you can do for him right now.”

“Is he losing the eggs?” Sadie inquired in a tiny whisper.

“I’m…not sure.” Garnet told her, Sadie was going to inquire about the odd tone she caught from the gem when the bedroom door slowly creaked open. Dr. Maheswaran entered the living room, blood and fluid was spattered on the front of her dress. She slowly motioned for Sadie and the two gems to follow her.

“I gave him a sedative.” She said quietly as they entered. “He’ll be asleep for a little while, he needs the rest.”

“What happened?” Sadie demanded in a stage whisper. She rushed to his bedside, where Peridot was gently palpitating his abdomen.

“Two of the eggs didn’t form.” Peridot told her. She lifted a hand towel from the nightstand and gently unwrapped the two little eggs. They were almost metallic, white orbs, smaller than a tennis ball. Sadie could see that one had a hole in it, almost as if the shell had been eroded. She supposed that was the part that had been reabsorbed.

“What….was it because of…” Sadie began. Peridot shook her head vigorously.

“They were never going to form.” She explained. “There was nothing you could do.”

“Is he alright?” Sadie asked, she was beginning to feel nauseous.

“He’s going to be fine. He lost a lot of blood though, he’ll need rest.” Dr. Maheswaran told her. “He’ll be weak for a while.”

“Can I…be alone with him? Just for a few minutes.” She asked tearfully.

“That should be fine. If anything happens come for me immediately, but he should be fine. I’ll stay over tonight to make sure he comes out of the sedation and there are no complications.”

“Thank you, Dr. Maheswaran.” Sadie told her. And then they left, and she was alone with an incredibly frail looking Lars. If it was possible, he seemed even thinner than normal, smaller in a way she couldn’t explain. He looked so vulnerable, lying in the bed unconscious.

“I’m so sorry.” She sobbed. She carefully climbed into the bed with him, laying on her side careful not to touch him for fear he would snap like a twig. She hesitantly reached out with one hand to brush her fingertips against his arm. “I’m sorry.”


	10. Chapter 10

_22 weeks_

“Do you want to go visit the Off-Colors?” Sadie offered as she offered Lars a mug of chicken broth.

                “No.” Lars murmured. He was in their living room recliner, wrapped tightly in a nest of blankets.

                “Are you sure? It’s been almost a month since you saw them.” She asked again, handing him the mug. He set it to the side, shaking his head. Sadie sighed deeply, gently, she tapped his shoulder until he moved over, making space for her small body next to his. She worked her way under the blankets, snaking her arms around him, one on his waist, the other on his baby bump.

                “I’m just tired.” Lars complained, relaxing into her touch.

                “I know, but I really think we should try and get out of the house.” Sadie argued. She made warm circles on his abdomen, searching for the three eggs he still carried. Catching on to what she wanted, Lars gently guided her hand to the left side of his stomach, where he could feel them pressing heavily against his skin.

                “I don’t want to see anybody.” Lars said in the low monotone he had adopted since waking to find two of the eggs were gone.

                “Well, what if we go to the beach?” Sadie suggested. “To that hidden place on the north side where we used to go and make out.” She giggled. “It’s always empty.”

                “I don’t want to go to the beach.” Lars told her stoically.

                “We could lay out on a towel with the warm sand beneath us.” She tried to tempt him. “Rent some paddleboards, float around for a little while.”

                “I’m on bedrest.” Was the emotionless reply.

                “Lars.” Sadie sighed. “I don’t know what to do.”

                “Do for what?”

                “To help you.”

                “I don’t need help.”

                “Lars, yes you do. You’re hurting.” Sadie said, hugging him tightly to her.

                “I’m fine.” Lars insisted. Sadie threw off the blankets, jumping up from the chair in her exasperation.

                “You are not fine.” She retorted sharply. “You won’t eat, you won’t talk to me, you won’t see anybody.”

                “Well I’m fucking sorry that I’m exhausted.” Lars spat bitterly. “And that every part of my body is sore, and that…” He stopped abruptly, the words catching in his throat. “..that my babies are gone.”

                “Oh Lars.” Sadie breathed as Lars began to bawl.

                “And I just can’t because everyone will want to know, ‘how are you?’ and ‘what happened’ and…..and ‘what did you do wrong?’” He choked out between sobs.

                “Lars no!” Sadie protested. “Don’t say that. You didn’t do anything wrong. We…we knew from the start…”

                “I know that!” Lars cried. “But I thought…that maybe if I was strong enough then…”

                “Shh” Sadie gently took his hand in hers. “You can’t blame yourself for this. There was nothing anyone could do, Peridot told you that.”

                “It’s so hard.” He admitted. “To not feel this way.”

                “Lars, would you be open to…talking to someone?” Sadie asked slowly, thinking back on the conversation she’d had with Dr. Maheswaran.

                “I told you I don’t wanna see anybody.” Lars shook his head.

                “Not our friends…a therapist.” Sadie bit her lip, anxious for his reaction.

                “I don’t really have a high opinion of therapists.” Lars told her.

                “I know you’ve had bad experiences…”

                “Having your gender invalidated by some sixty-year old cis lady is a little more than just a ‘bad experience’.” Lars argued.

                “I understand that, it was bad word choice.” Sadie relented. “But Dr. Maheswaran recommended a therapist. She says that the lady is great, they’ve worked together before…with trauma victims.”

                “Trauma victims?” Lars eyed her skeptically.

                “Yeah, she works mostly with….with sexual assault survivors.” Sadie admitted. Lars was suddenly quiet, his eyes downcast.

                “I’ll see her.” He agreed

                “Oh, okay!” Sadie was surprised, she honestly hadn’t thought Lars would consent to seeing the woman. “I’ll call and set up an appointment.”

                “Okay.” Lars used the corner of a blanket to wipe at his eyes and cheeks. “Sadie?”

                “Yeah?”

                “I’m sorry for being so much trouble.”

                “Lars, you’re not trouble. You’re hurting.” She leaned down to kiss the top of his head. “I Love you and I want to help you.”

                “I love you too. Sit with me?”

                “Sure.”


	11. Chapter 11

_27 Weeks_

“How have things been with his therapy?” Barb asked her daughter as they set the table for dinner.

                “He’s been doing a lot better. He doesn’t like to talk to me very much about what goes on in the sessions though.” Sadie admitted. She tucked a loose lock of hair behind her ear. “I wish he’d open up about it more.”

                “All in time.” Barb patted her daughter on the back. “He’ll tell you when he’s ready.”

                The door bell rang, interrupting the conversation between mother and daughter.

                “I’ll get it.” Barb told her. “You get your boy toy.” She winked, causing Sadie to blush deeply.

                “Mom!” Sadie punched her lightly in the arm as she passed by. Her mother only cackled in response. “Lars? Are you ready?” She knocked lightly on the bedroom door.

                “Almost.” She heard Lars sigh, pushing open the door she saw him standing in front of the full-length mirror with a tortured expression on his face.

                “What’s wrong?” Sadie asked, moving towards him.

                “You mean other than the fact that I’m wearing on honest to God maternity shirt?” He complained, turning to the side. Sadie had to admit, in the past month his stomach had swelled rapidly. His bump had become a veritable mountain as the eggs hit what Peridot called “the rapid expansion period”. Sadie found it cute, Lars did not.

                “It’s just my mom and the gems.” Sadie told him, picking a piece of lint off his black, long-sleeved shirt.

                “I know.” Lars sighed. “But still…I look like a fuckin’ girl.” Aha, there it was.

                “You don’t look like a girl.” Sadie assured him. “You look like a weird pink alien.” She joked, trying to distract him from the feelings of dysphoria.

                “Thanks, Player Two.” He said sarcastically. He tugged on his clothes a little, as if that would somehow help them to hide his very obvious pregnancy.

                “Come on.” Sadie tugged on his arm. “Everybody’s here.”

                “Okay.” Lar sighed again and Sadie made a mental note to talk with him after everyone left. She dragged him down the hall and into the living room where Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl, and Peridot stood with Sadie’s mom. Another gem stood behind Peridot, taking in the scene nervously.

                “Lars, you’re looking well.” Pearl gave him a rare smile. She seemed pretty excited about the idea of new gems.

                “Yes, the eggs seem to be progressing nicely.” Peridot commented in that weird mad-scientist tone she had. She moved forward and held her hands out, waiting for permission. Lars nodded and the green gem broke out into a grin, leaning in to feel his large belly.

                “Where’s Steven?” Sadie asked. She hadn’t seen the young teen since he had come along with Greg to deliver groceries almost a month earlier.

                “He and Connie have both come down with something.” Garnet told her. “Dr. Maheswaran called it mono?”

                “Ahh, the kissing disease huh?” Barb lifted her eyebrows. “Yeah, Sadie got that too.” She turned to look at her daughter. “You remember, when you were dating that kid….”

                “Mother!” Sadie clapped a hand over her mom’s mouth.

                “Kissing disease?” Pearl murmured. “Why do they call it that?”

                “Cuz you get it from swapping germs.” Amethyst chimed in.

                “I’m sure Steven and Connie haven’t been exchanging any bacteria.” Pearl said skeptically.

                “No, no.” Lars put his hand up. “They call it that cuz you can get it from kissing other people. Amethyst means they’ve been making out.”

                “What!?” Pearl squawked, falling backwards onto the couch.

                “She’s so dramatic.” The blue gem said dryly.

                “Ugh, all the time.” Amethyst complained. “Oh hey, yeah! Guys this is Lapis,” She pointed to the blue gem. “Lapis, the short one is Sadie and the one with the mohawk is Lars.”

                “I’m sorry, are we not going to discuss this ‘making out disease’?” Pearl shouted. The group laughed at her apparent distress. Sadie attempted in vain to convince the pale gem that they were only joking and that human kisses were NOT fatal. The latter took several kisses shared between Sadie and Lars before Pearl would believe them, not that either minded. Dinner passed with laughter and good conversation, which was a relief to both Lars and Sadie. Neither had really been very social since they’d moved in together. However, it was a tiring affair and by the time the dishes had been cleared and the goodbyes said, Lars was falling asleep in his chair.

                “Come on.” Sadie laughed. “Let’s go to bed.”

                “M’kay.” Lars yawned, letting Sadie pull him down the hall to their bedroom. He sat down hard on the bed, stripping to his boxers and undershirt while Sadie changed into her pajamas. She wore faded blue shorts and an oversized “Fangs of Love” T-shirt.

                “That was fun.” She commented, sitting down at her vanity to brush out her blonde hair before bed, otherwise it was a tangled mess in the morning.

                “Yeah.” Lars leaned back, one hand on his aching back. “You’re so beautiful.” He commented, watching her brush through the mane of blonde curls.

                “Shut up.” She blushed.

                “No really, you’re gorgeous.” He insisted.

                “Psh, whatever.” She threw the brush down and joined him on the edge of the bed. The hand on his back was replaced with hers as she dug her thumb in to a particularly sore spot. He hummed appreciatively, leaning back a little further, putting his weight on one hand. The other slipped under his shirt pressing a little on one of the eggs, trying to get it off his hip bone.

                “They bruised me again.” He observed, pulling up his shirt to expose the hip. Sure enough, there was a patch of blue-black skin extending from the bone a few inches up the side of his stomach.

                “Ouch.” Sadie sympathized. She reached over to gently pull his undershirt up, exposing his whole stomach. The pink skin was littered with bruises in various stages of healing. “We should have had Peridot check these.”

                “It’s not a big deal.” Lars shook his head. “We knew I’d probably bruise.”

                “Yeah, but there’s a lot.” Sadie complained, running a hand lightly over his skin.

                “It’s fine.” Lars insisted.

                “Well, I’m calling Dr. Maheswaran tomorrow.” She said. “Just to be sure.”

                Lars sighed, running a hand through his pink curls. In truth, the bruises were really annoying, but he had a habit of hiding things like this from Sadie. She was so worried about him all the time, he didn’t want to burden her with little things like this. So, he pretended to be happy and smiled his way through dinner. Later tonight, when Sadie was curled up asleep, he’d sneak away to the bathroom and let himself be angry and in pain for a while. But not now, not with her.

                “Come on, let’s go to sleep.”

                “Alright.”


	12. Chapter 12

_30 Weeks_

                Sadie watched Steven and Connie splash happily in the surf with the Rutile twins, who had only recently been tempted into the water. Pearl stood nearby, anxiously watching the children, occasionally calling out for them to come back towards the beach. Sadie wondered idly if the gem had always had such a nervous disposition or if caring for Steven had brought it on.

                “Sade?” Lars called to her. She looked over her shoulder at him, sitting on a beach blanket and wrapped in another, the littlest gem, Padparascha, curled against his side. “Can I have some water?”

                “Yeah.” She smiled softly, heading up to the beach house. Garnet was on the porch with Greg, grilling burgers. They smiled at her as she pulled open the screen door. She loved this, this feeling of family, it was a comfort to be around people, and gems. Lars had been fairly anti-social since coming home. Of course, Sadie understood that after all he’d been through hanging out with friends seemed trivial, still, she couldn’t help but feel that more of this would be good for him.

                “Sadie, Sadie!” Steven burst through the door, causing her to drop the cup she was carrying, spilling water over the floor.

                “Oh, crap.” She muttered. “What is it Steven?” She searched around for a rag or paper towels to clean up the mess.

                “One of the gemlings broke out of its egg!” He told her excitedly.

                “Seriously?!” She rushed past him back down to the beach. The Gems were gathered around Lars, who was smiling widely as he guided Peridot’s hands on his stomach. He looked up, and spotting his girlfriend approaching, waved enthusiastically for her to come over.

                “One of the eggs hatched!” He told her as she knelt by his side. “I can feel her moving.” He took hold of Sadie’s hand and pressed it firmly to the side of his swollen middle. Sadie gasped, awed by the feeling of little kicks under her palm.

                “That’s amazing.” She said breathlessly, until now the eggs had simply been a hard weight in Lars’s body. But, this little squirming thing under her hand was alive and tangible.

                “She’ll stay pretty active for a few hours.” Peridot said, drawing their attention. “Now that she’s out the other two shouldn’t be far behind. Maybe tomorrow, or the next day.”

                “Can I feel?” Steven asked timidly, peeking over Sadie’s shoulder.

                “Sure.” Lars agreed. Sadie backed up to make room for the excited boy, who very shyly put out a hand towards Lars. The older boy saw his apprehension and gave him a rare smile. Lars reached for Steven’s hand and gently placed it on the large bump. The younger’s face lit up as he felt the movements of the tiny gemling under his hand.

                “What happens to the shells?” Connie asked curiously, peeking between Garnet and Pearl.

                “They’ll be absorbed and the minerals will keep feeding the gems.” Peridot explained. “Now they’re just surrounded by a membrane filled with a nutritional solution that was inside the egg with them.”

                “Oh! Just like a real baby!” Connie exclaimed.

                “Yeah, like a _real_ baby.” Lars muttered under his breath. He inhaled sharply, his body stiffening. Steven recoiled, afraid he had hurt the older teen.

                “I’m sorry!” Steven said, taken aback.

                “It’s okay.” Lars groaned. “Wasn’t you….she kicked my ribs. Actually, I think it was more of a headbutt.” He laughed breathlessly.

                “That’s a good sign.” Pearl said. “Just make sure she doesn’t beat you up too badly.”

                “Too late.” Lars said, pressing a hand to his side. “I think my rib is bruised.”

                “We’ll call Dr. Maheswaran to check it in the morning.” Sadie said with a sigh. She didn’t want to deal with this right now, she couldn’t even take time to relax anymore. It always had to be something.


End file.
